Diary of The Vintage Cause

It is so strange that the weather is so autumnal this week. It makes me feel like it's nearly my birthday! Awkward! I am not looking forward to turning 34 at all, tres vile. Apparently I look somewhere between 23 and 27 but I'm not convinced, if I have managed to maintain the illusion of youth I am sure that the picture in my attic is looking awful right now. I am re-reading 'On the Road' trying to re-establish some beat mentality in my mind. I have deliberately lead my life as carefree and devoid of responsibility as possible but the last year has seen a change. I don't know, you go through life and pick up people along the way, some stay some go but I suppose the important thing is to maintain a sense of character and will. This time last week I fully intended to withdraw my life savings and run far far far far far away (Barcelona, Paris, Florence, Seattle, Chicago, San Francisco, New York... the list goes on...) and see if I could clear my head of the past. Today, reading, I realised that my past will define me and whatever I decide to do in the future and actually I don't mind that anymore, a person's past is there's to keep and I like having those memories safely locked away. I am not a great one for platitudes, I truly believe that people use them when they can't find the words to express themselves, or maybe as a tool to hurt someone in a passive aggressive manner... From this day forward I will say exactly what I mean, when I mean and to whom I mean it! x