Hey

I'm scared... I'm pretty darn sure no one reads this but you know something I'm actually terrified. I spend so much time preteding that I'm ok and that everything will be ok, hearing those closest reassure me that it will all be ok. It might not be. I've had the same health problem since I was 14. I have had 3 real diagnoised miscarriages and countless other times when the symptoms were there but I had not had the pregnancy confirmed before miscarriage. There is something trapped inside me that I can't let go of, I know what it is but I'm not ready to face it yet. I have let it all get so bad and so much worse than it should have been out of sheer bloody mindedness and stubborness. I should have just dealt with it... It is easy for me to chastise myself for all this but actually if I could avoid it now I still would. They say they are going to take a tissue sample then remove the cyst which they feel will give them some answers, I have never been given a hospital appointment so quickly, another worrying factor. I can't really talk about it properly with anyone because I don't want to pass the fear on... So I'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea x